Wherever You Are
by Kristen Elizabeth
Summary: How far can the God of Death push one man before he breaks?
1. Losing you.

Disclaimer: I make no claims whatsoever as long as you both shall live.  
  
Author's Notes: Watch Kristen go from light comedy to EXTREME angst. Because as someone on my Buffy message board once said, "extreme angst can be fun". Goddess bless you, Jacqui.   
  
Dedication: To the gang. Good luck in college and the only advice I'm going to give you is don't date one of the RA's in your dorm.   
  
****  
  
Wherever You Are  
by Kristen Elizabeth  
  
****  
  
"Hilde...have you seen my other sock?"  
  
"The blue pair or the black?"  
  
Duo Maxwell peeked his head into the laundry room and gave his wife a look. "Babe....what color do you think goes with a black suit?"  
  
She laughed and placed a hand on her stomach, swollen with eight months of pregnancy. "Knowing you, Duo...anything goes." Before he could reply, she plucked a black sock out of the pile of dry clothes. "Here. Don't say I never gave you anything."   
  
"I could never say that." Duo leaned and kissed her cheek.   
  
Just then, the other thing she had given him four years earlier wandered into the back of the house. "Mommy. Daddy." Samuel Maxwell looked up at his parents with huge smile. One of his father's ties was draped around his little neck. "I ready to go."   
  
Desperately trying not to laugh, Hilde Maxwell bent over as much as she could in her condition. "And don't you look handsome. But baby, I think you'd better stay home tonight with Miss Annie." She unwound Duo's necktie. "It's going to be a very boring grown-up's night out."   
  
Samuel's lower lip quivered dangerously. "Don't go, Mommy."   
  
"Hey, buddy." Duo scooped up his son. "I need you to stay home so you can keep an eye on Buster." Upon hearing his name, their black Labrador lifted his head from the tiled laundry room floor. "You can't let Miss Annie forget to let him outside."   
  
"I won't, Daddy." Samuel's little features were a mask of seriousness. Duo set him down and Samuel scampered away with Buster dutifully following.   
  
"Hey!", Hilde called out, bringing their son to a halt. "Don't I get a kiss, at least?"  
  
Samuel ran back as fast as his little legs would carry him. He flung his arms around his mother's thigh. Duo picked him up, holding him at Hilde's eye level. She kissed her son's cheek. Giggling, Samuel rubbed at his face and as soon as Duo put him down again, he and Buster ran off.   
  
"Are you sure you want another one of those?", Duo asked her, teasingly.  
  
It was her turn to give him a look. "It's a little late to ponder that", she replied, indicating her round belly.   
  
He pulled her back against his chest, resting his chin on her shoulder and his hands on the place their child grew. "You okay, babe? You seem a little tired."   
  
Smiling, Hilde turned around and put her arms around his neck. "Duo...after you've carried a child around inside you for eight months, I'd like to see how pert and perky you are." She gave him a light kiss.   
  
"Well, you just make it seem so easy." Duo returned the kiss. "I take it back. You don't look tired; you look beautiful."   
  
"Not at all like a pumpkin, right?" Her blue eyes sparkled.   
  
Duo searched his brain for an answer that wouldn't get him in trouble. "More like a very huggable beach ball."   
  
She grabbed the sock from his hand and smacked him with it. "Oh, just go get dressed! We're going to be late."   
  
Dropping a kiss on her forehead, Duo walked back to their room, flopped on the bed and began pulling on his socks. "Where are we going, anyways?"  
  
His wife stood in the doorway, her hands on her hips. "Duo Maxwell....I have only told you where we're going every day for the past two weeks. I really thought you were listening to me at least one of those times."  
  
"Wait...don't tell me...." Duo squeezed his eyes shut in concentration. "We're having....drinks. No! Dinner."   
  
"Where?" Hilde folded her hands on her stomach.  
  
"Um...." He bit his lip. "It's a French place. Wait...Italian. Ah! I remember; it's Japanese!"  
  
"Who are we having dinner with?"  
  
Duo smiled. "Simple. Heero and Relena. Who else would drag us to a sushi bar?"   
  
"And what are we doing after dinner?"  
  
He smiled wickedly. "Slasher city, baby!!"  
  
Hilde moved forward and patted his head. "Very good. And here I thought you had forgotten."   
  
"Mind like a steel trap." He tapped his temple. Catching her wrist, he stood up and planted a huge kiss on her lips. "I've been waiting to get you alone in a dark theater with a scary movie playing for weeks. As soon as the lights dim...." The doorbell rang, breaking the moment.   
  
"That would be the babysitter", Hilde whispered. Backing up, she waved a hand toward his bare foot. "Hurry up, sweetie. We are now officially going to be late."   
  
"Babe..." Duo stopped her before she could leave. Holding up the freshly dried sock to the light, he frowned. "I think this is the blue one."   
  
****  
  
"Itadakimasu!" Their kimono-clad waitress bowed as she set a large, flat wooden board, dotted with pieces of raw fish and rolled rice wraps in various colors and sizes, in front of them.   
  
"Domo", Heero Yuy replied, lowering his head.   
  
Duo leaned towards Hilde. "Why do I get the feeling that she said 'I hope you are able to choke this down, foolish American' and he agreed with her?", he whispered.  
  
"Because you're a dork." Hilde pinched his arm and handed him a set of chopsticks.   
  
With his own chopsticks, Heero picked up a strange-looking piece of sushi and set it on the smaller wooden platform in front of Hilde. "When we ordered, she told me that this is supposed to be good for pregnant women. Something about the nutrients."   
  
"What's in it?", Hilde asked, politely.   
  
Heero's wife, Relena Peacecraft-Yuy, examined the menu. "Yellowtail snapper, cucumber, rice, seaweed and roe."   
  
Bravely, Hilde picked up the piece and put it in her mouth. She was more than relieved to find that it was actually very good. Swallowing, she nodded. "It must be the roe."   
  
"What the hell are you feeding my wife, Yuy?"   
  
Heero fixed a cool stare on his best friend. "Why don't you try it and find out? Or are you afraid?"  
  
Determined not to be shown up, Duo fumbled with his chopsticks until he had them in what he thought was the right position. He reached for a rice roll, which promptly fell onto the table. Heero shook his head sadly. Scowling, Duo tried again only to have the piece of sushi escape him once more. Finally, Duo gave up and stabbed the piece with one chopstick. He popped it into his mouth and chewed.   
  
Relena hid her laughter behind her hand. "Nice technique, Duo."   
  
He made a face as he kept chewing, desperately fighting against his gag reflex. He reached for his beer and took a long gulp. "Don't tell me an entire culture lives on this stuff!", he declared, after the beer washed away the taste of seaweed.   
  
Heero picked up a piece of sashimi. "It's better for you than burgers and fries."   
  
"At least they're cooked."   
  
Taking her husband's hand, Relena slipped into her role as peacekeeper. "Sushi is an accquired taste. But so are burgers and fries. Personally, I'd take baklava over both sushi and burgers anyday."   
  
Hilde set her chopsticks down. "Bratwurst and sauerkraut. You just can't get them anywhere but Germany."   
  
"There's probably a reason for that, babe."   
  
For the second time that night, Hilde pinched her husband. "You're such an American."   
  
"And you're so cute when you're mad." Duo kissed her nose.   
  
They went ignored as Heero fed his own wife another piece of sashimi. "Maybe he'll like the tenpura", Relena said, swallowing the snapper. "It's fried."   
  
Heero gave her a soft kiss. "We just won't tell him it's vegetables." Relena nodded and rested her forehead against his shoulder. "You've been quiet tonight."   
  
She closed her eyes. "Just thinking about that letter."   
  
Her husband's arm encircled her. "All of Trowa's sources say it's completely ungrounded, Relena."  
  
"I know. And it's not the only death threat I've gotten in the past two weeks. But still....it shook me up."   
  
"Don't worry." He pressed a kiss into her honey-colored locks. "I'd never let anything happen to you."  
  
"Babe?" Duo's voice broke through their conversation. "What's wrong?"  
  
Hilde put a hand to her forehead. "Nothing. It's really hot in here. But other than that, I'm fine."   
  
"Actually..." Relena stopped before she could say that she was freezing even with Heero's jacket around her shoulders.   
  
Duo's hand went to her stomach. "Everything okay in there?"  
  
"She's kicking up a storm", Hilde sighed. "She is so completely your daughter...demanding my attention."   
  
"That's my girl." Duo scooted his chair back so he could lean down and place his ear against his wife's belly.   
  
"Are you sure you're all right?" Heero raised an eyebrow at Hilde. "Your face is pale."   
  
"I'm tired." Hilde looked down at the sushi. "And a little nauseous."   
  
Duo sat up. "Do you want to call it a night?"  
  
"I think that might be a good idea. But I don't want you to miss your movie." Hilde laughed. "Slasher city, remember?"  
  
"It can wait. 'Sides, the whole point was to have you grab my arm during the scary parts."  
  
Hilde shook her head. "You've been waiting for it to come out. Just get a refund on my ticket and go with Heero and Relena. I'll find my own way home."   
  
Duo hesitated. "Babe..."  
  
"Buxom, insipid, blonde heroines running from an ax-wielding, masked madman. Blood, guts, carnage, little to no plot...", Hilde tempted him.  
  
Sighing, he gave in. "Fine. But I'm driving you home first."   
  
"If you do that, you'll miss the opening credits."   
  
Relena spoke up. "Bruce could drive her home in the limo", she offered. "We'll take your car to the movies and then Bruce will pick Heero and I up from there afterwards."   
  
"See?" Hilde gave her husband a tired smile. "It's all taken care of."   
  
Heero caught the waitresses' eye and she hurried over to them. Upon seeing Hilde's pale expression, the girl frowned. "Doitugo no onna wa genki jya nai desu ka?"   
  
"Eeh", Heero replied, pulling several bills from his wallet. "Demo...sushi wa totemo yokatta desu. Domo arigatou."   
  
Duo translated for his wife. "She said 'So, the American survived. Our mission has failed.' And he said 'Yes. But we will get them next time'."   
  
"You need help."   
  
****  
  
"Are you sure about this, babe?"   
  
Hilde looked up at her husband from the backseat of Relena's plush limousine. "I get to ride home in style and put my feet up when I get there. You get to go watch people get slashed in technicolor. Of course I'm sure."   
  
Her husband leaned into the door and captured her lips in a long kiss. "I think I kind of love you."   
  
"Well, I think I kind of love you, too." Hilde gently touched the side of his face. "I'll see you at home, sweetie."   
  
Duo kissed her one more time before closing the car door. Patting the roof, he stepped back onto the curb. The limousine pulled away as he rejoined his friends. "Let's go. If we miss a single preview, I'm holding Heero personally responsible."   
  
The explosion shattered the quiet night air, seeming to illuminate the entire world for a brief moment. Training forced Duo and Heero to the ground; Heero took Relena down with him, wrapping his body around hers as a shield. After a moment, their heads lifted.   
  
Heero struggled to his feet, holding onto Relena. He put a hand to his eyes, blocking out the fierce light. When his eyes finally adjusted, his heart dropped to his stomach. Half a block down the road, what remained of the limousine was engulfed in flames.   
  
His mouth was dry. He found that he couldn't move. Relena lifted her head from his chest. "Heero", she whispered. "What...?" Her gaze found the source of the explosion. Without a word, she fainted.   
  
Duo didn't want to get up. He didn't want to see. His eyes stung, but it wasn't entirely from the thick smoke around them. The roar of a raging fire filled his ears, blocking out every unwanted thought. He bent over until his forehead pressed against the dirty cobblestone street. His arms clenched his stomach.   
  
Heero fell to his knees, supporting an unconcious Relena. "Duo..." He touched his best friend's shaking shoulder.   
  
His friend's head shot up, braid flopping over his back. "Hilde!" He stood up. "Hilde...baby, are you okay?"   
  
Gently laying Relena down, Heero got back up. "Don't, Duo."  
  
Duo grabbed his shoulders. "I have to find Hilde. She might have been hurt!"   
  
Heero placed his hands on the other man's arms. "Duo, the limo..."   
  
"I have to find her." Shaking Heero away, Duo turned around to face the fire. "Hilde!" He ran forward. "Hilde...baby!! Talk to me!"   
  
A smaller explosion rocked the broken limousine. Duo's arms flew up as a shield. The force of the second blast hit him; he stumbled backwards into Heero, knocking them both to the ground.   
  
"Hilde!!", he screamed, trying to scramble to his feet. Heero grabbed him, holding him back. Duo struggled against the other man. "Get the fuck away from me!!"   
  
"Stop. There's nothing you can do." His friend held on tighter.  
  
Duo continued to fight, desperate to reach his wife. "Hilde!! Hilde, baby....please!" Tears flooded down his cheeks. "Hilde...hang on! I'm coming to get you!!"   
  
Heero's voice was quiet. "Duo...she's gone."   
  
He shattered as realization swept over him. Closing his eyes, he screamed, rendering the entire city with his anguish. The sound of sirens was drowned out as he cried her name.   
  
"HILDE!!"  
  
****  
  
TBC 


	2. Telling him.

Disclaimer: No credit for these character is being taken by yours truly.  
  
Author's Notes: I think I've learned my lesson. Light comedy: good and gets reviews. Dark angst: not good and gets few reviews. Or maybe I've just been spoiled by "Two Can Play". Anywho, I've started this story now and I can't not finish it;)   
  
Dedication: To Eric, who endures being dressed as Heero at the whim of his girlfriend and her friends.   
  
****  
  
Wherever You Are  
by Kristen Elizabeth  
  
****  
  
"The injection ought to last for at least ten hours." Sally Po put the plastic cap back on the hypodermic needle. "If he gets restless before then, just give me a call."   
  
Heero rubbed his forehead. "Thank you, Sally."   
  
The older woman's blue eyes watered. "What are you going to say to him when he wakes up?"   
  
"The truth." Heero raised his shoulders. "What else can I do?"  
  
There was a knock on the mansion door. Standing up, Heero started down the stairs. Sally followed with her medical bag. She watched as Heero opened the door, letting her on-again, off-again boyfriend, Chang Wufei and Trowa Barton into the house. Quatre Winner followed the two men, carrying a small, sleeping child in his arms.   
  
Sally reached for Duo and Hilde's son. "Where should I put him, Heero?"  
  
"He'll wake up long before Duo does. I don't want him to see Duo unconcious." Heero pointed to a second floor door, visible from the first. "Put him in there." She left to put Samuel to bed.  
  
Quatre's blue-green eyes were red with repressed tears. "I also put together a bag of their things. It's in the car."   
  
Heero nodded. "I appreciate it." He turned to Wufei. "Any news?"  
  
"Car bomb. Plastic explosives. Timed to go off when the limo hit twenty miles per hour. We managed to salvage some of it; we'll know more in a few days." Wufei crossed his arms. "As for....the passengers...." He cleared his throat. "There wasn't enough left to..."   
  
Trowa stopped him as he saw Relena approaching them from the parlor. "Like he said, we don't know much."   
  
The Vice Foriegn Minister allowed her husband to steady her as she joined the circle. Her eyes were lifeless; her slender body shook. "I couldn't sleep", she whispered.   
  
Heero's arms grasped her tightly, as though he could send his strength into her. "You need to, Relena."   
  
"I agree." Sally walked back down the stairs. "The best way to deal with trauma like this is to sleep."   
  
Relena shook her head as she thought. "Who did this? Why would anyone want to hurt Hilde?"  
  
Trowa and Wufei exchanged a look. Heero caught it and returned the look with one of his own. One that pratically begged them to keep quiet. But Wufei didn't notice. "Relena...the bomb wasn't meant for...  
  
"Wufei. Stop." Quatre's voice was quiet, but deadly firm.   
  
"Oh god..." Heero's wife covered her mouth with her hand. "Oh no...no, no, no...."   
  
"Relena", Heero gently stroked her back. "It's not your fault..."  
  
Bile rose in her throat. She bent over, still holding her mouth. Sally quickly ran to her side and guided her away to the nearest bathroom. As soon as she was out of sight, Heero's fists balled up. "I want to know who did this. I want you to track them down and when you find them, I'll..."  
  
"That may be harder than it seems, Heero." Trowa took a breath. "I'm not saying it's impossible, but from what I saw at the scene, whoever did this was no idiot. The bomb won't be made of anything that can be traced and there certainly won't be any more telling clues."   
  
Heero's eyes narrowed. "What are you saying?"  
  
"He's just trying to prepare you, Heero." Quatre sniffed. "We may never know who did this."   
  
"You try telling that to Duo when he wakes up."  
  
****  
  
"It's all my fault."   
  
Sally wrung water from a washcloth and pressed it to Relena's cheek. "Don't even say that because you know how untrue it is."  
  
"I do?" Relena let Sally pat down her flushed cheeks. She swallowed, tasting acid in the back of her throat. "You heard Wufei. *I* was the one who was supposed to die tonight. I'm the one who should have been..."  
  
"Hey." Sally slapped her cheek lightly. "Stop right now. Before you drive yourself insane." She ran the washcloth under the faucet. "The only person who is at fault here is the sick bastard who planted the bomb. And he...she...them, they will be found, Relena." She delicately wiped a tear from Relena's eye. "They'll pay for what they did to Hilde." Sally swallowed. "And the baby."   
  
Relena began to cry. "The baby..." After a moment, she lifted her head. "Do you think she was in pain?"  
  
Sally's voice was a whisper. "I don't think she even knew what hit her."   
  
****  
  
He fought his way through the layers of his nightmares, struggling for the surface as though he were drowning. His eyelids were heavy, but he managed to force them open. Bright light blinded him, much like...  
  
*Fire. Fire everywhere. Fire from the....*  
  
Duo rolled over in the unfamiliar bed. A cold sweat plastered his clothes to his skin. He drew his knees up to his chest; his entire body ached. Any minute now, she would shake him to force him up. She was such a morning person.   
  
*Out of bed, sleepy-head!*   
  
Any minute.   
  
He opened his eyes again and the light hurt them less. Someone was in the room, watching him. He struggled to sit up. "Hilde?"  
  
Heero stepped into the light. "It's me", he said for lack of any better words. Duo watched his friend study him carefully. Finally, Heero continued, "Duo...I have to tell you something."  
  
"It can wait." The braided man threw the covers off his legs. He stood up, but the sedatives lingering in his bloodstream made it impossible to stand for long. Heero put an arm around his shoulders. "I'm all right." Duo shook off his arm.  
  
Heero helped him sit back down. "You've been asleep for eleven hours. Ever since the..." He took a breath. "Duo, the thing I have to tell you....it's Hilde."   
  
*Loud noises. Illuminated sky. Rough stone. Arms around him.*  
  
Duo shook his head. "Hilde..."  
  
His friend sat down next to him. "There was an...accident. An explosion." He took a breath. "Someone put a bomb in Relena's limousine. And Hilde..."  
  
*The explosion. The fire. The concrete on his backside as he fell to the ground. Heero holding him back.*  
  
"I don't want to hear it", Duo said, numbly.   
  
Heero looked down at his hands. "I think you need to..."  
  
"No." Duo stood up. "I don't want to hear it. I don't need to hear you tell me...." His voice trembled. "...that she's...dead." He pressed a finger into his chest. "I feel it...right here." Duo froze, the picture of a man who had just realized his entire world had fallen around him. "My girl..." He corrected himself. "My girls are dead."   
  
Not for the first time in his life, Heero said nothing.   
  
Duo's chin dropped to his chest after a long, silent moment. "I can't even see her, can I? Hold her one last time..." Heero shook his head. A second passed before Duo lifted his head. "Where is my son?"  
  
"Eating lunch", Heero replied.   
  
"Have you told him yet?"  
  
"No."   
  
Duo nodded slowly. "I should be the one to tell him." He scratched the back of his head, a nearly perfect imitation of himself. But the Duo standing in front of Heero was not the man who had become his best friend. This Duo was someone different. A shell of the old. "How do you tell a four year old that his mother is gone forever?"  
  
Heero stood up. "I suppose you shouldn't sugar coat it. Children are...perceptive."   
  
"I know", was all Duo said before he started out the door. Heero followed him, keeping a distance of several paces, until they reached the kitchen. Samuel was seated at the wooden table, eating a cheese sandwich with Relena. They both looked up as the two men entered.   
  
"Daddy!", Samuel cried, abandoning his lunch. He ran for his father.   
  
Duo barely reacted to the boy's arms around his legs. He looked up at the ceiling for a long minute.   
  
Relena cleared her throat. "We're glad to see you up, Duo. We were getting worried."   
  
Was it Heero's imagination or did Duo purposely ignore Relena's words? After an awkward second had passed, Duo pulled his son away from his legs and knelt down to his level. "Samuel, I have to tell you something about your mother."   
  
The little boy stared at Duo with eyes that perfectly matched his father's. "Where's Mommy?", he wanted to know.   
  
Duo showed no visible emotion as he continued. "Remember your goldfish...the one you won at the fair?"   
  
Samuel nodded. "Goldie died."   
  
"Yes. Goldie died." Duo paused. "Mommy died, too, Samuel. We're going to miss her very much, but she won't be coming back."   
  
His son studied him for a moment before looking back at Relena. "I want my mommy", he said in the smallest of voices. Relena covered her mouth but said nothing. Samuel looked at Heero for help. "I want my mommy!"  
  
Duo didn't blink an eye. "Samuel, she's dead. She died and she's not coming back. Just like Goldie didn't come back. And your little sister...she died, too. They both died and that's that."   
  
Huge tears welled up in his son's wide violet eyes. "I want my mommy", he cried. "I don't want mommy to be dead!"  
  
His father gripped his little shoulder. "Stop it, Samuel. Crying isn't going to do a damn thing."  
  
Samuel ignored him and continued to cry. Relena stepped forward. "Duo...come on. He's only a..."  
  
Duo's head shot up; his eyes blazed. "You stay out of it."   
  
His words were like a slap across her face. Relena put a hand to her cheek. Only Heero coming up behind her kept her from stumbling under the shock of his words. Heero's eyes narrowed ever so slightly. "This is not the way to handle all of this, Duo."   
  
It seemed as though his words had their intended effect. Duo blinked and looked at his four-year old son, crying in confused grief and intense shock. He wished he could join the boy, but it felt as though he had no tears to shed for his wife or his unborn child. Instead of joining the boy in his tears, he pulled him into an embrace and let the child cry.   
  
Relena watched Duo comforting his son and wished he would allow himself to partake of the same comfort. Yet she still couldn't get the look Duo had when he had addressed her out of her mind. He had looked at her as though he hated her. She blinked as his gaze met hers.   
  
There was no sorrow in the empty violet centers of Duo's eyes. They were not eyes offering an apology or seeking forgiveness. They were eyes that carried too much pain to be contained. Eyes that had to release some of their pent-up emotion on someone.   
  
Relena had the sinking feeling she was that someone.  
  
****  
  
TBC 


	3. Hating her.

Disclaimer: Not mine, moving on.  
  
Author's Notes: My apologies. This should have been out weeks ago. I'm just not exactly sure where the story is headed. It will come to me, eventually, but for right now, I'm just letting the characters take me wherever they choose to go.  
  
Dedication: To my brother in honor of his having survived the elements for two decades, come this October 1st.   
  
****  
  
Wherever You Are  
by Kristen Elizabeth  
  
****  
  
"Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust..."  
  
But there were no ashes. Only an empty, marked grave bearing her name and dates of the day she entered the world and the day she was taken from it. There was nothing to bury except all of his feelings. All of his emotions. He would bury his heart in the place her body ought to have been.   
  
Duo looked up at the clouded sky and said goodbye to the old Duo Maxwell. He welcomed the freedom that came with not caring. The total emotional death that her death had brought about. He could barely even feel his son's tiny hand in his.   
  
Nothing mattered anymore. He sought no revenge on whoever had planted the bomb nor did he blame himself for letting her get into the limo. For Duo Maxwell, there was only one place to lay any blame for his wife's death.   
  
The woman who's politics put her in the line of fire. The woman who would rather die than truly defend herself. The woman who was married to his best friend. The woman sitting two seats away from him, softly crying as the priest finished his prayer.   
  
The woman who was supposed to die that night.   
  
He watched her out of the corner of his eye as they left Hilde's empty grave behind and all through the journey back to her home where the somber reception was to be held. He watched his best friend who stayed by her side continuously, never letting her be alone for too long. He ignored the condolances piled onto him by people who knew him only as one of the Preventers. The Vice Foriegn Minister's husband's friend.   
  
Duo waited for his opportunity. It came when Heero gently kissed his wife's forehead and moved off with Quatre and Trowa to discuss something in private. He snorted; it was probably him they were discussing. The entire world seemed very concerned with how frighteningly well he was taking his wife's brutal death. Duo wasn't quite sure what they expected him to do. Break down and throw things? Curse a god who had never shown him the slightest consideration in his entire life?   
  
He didn't mind disappointing them. If they wanted to see the grieving widower, they could find another guy.  
  
She was standing by herself after Heero left, a cup of tea in her hand. He watched her even more carefully as she wandered out onto the balcony into the cool night air. Taking great care to go unnoticed, he followed her.   
  
"All alone", he stated before she even realized he was behind her. She whirled around, but did not relax upon seeing who it was on the balcony with her. If anything, she became even more tense.   
  
"Yes", Relena replied, tightly. "Heero went to get a drink." She took a breath and asked the one question he wasn't sure he could forgive her for asking. "How are you, Duo?"   
  
He molded his face into a blank mask. "My wife and unborn child were blown to fucking bits three days ago, leaving me with a four year old son and an empty house. I'm doing just fine."   
  
It gave him pleasure to see her face crumple. She valiantly fought back her tears. "Duo...I'm so very..."   
  
Duo held up his hand. "Sorry doesn't cut it, princess." He spit the last word out as though it tasted bad in his mouth.   
  
"I don't know what else to say", she whispered. "I know that I should have..."  
  
"Died that night? Been blown sky high in front of Heero's eyes?" Duo laughed harshly. "That's the first honest thing you've said, Relena."   
  
She was no longer trying to control her tears. They flowed down her cheeks in a steady stream. "Is that what you want to hear me say, Duo?"  
  
"I don't want to hear you say anything", he hissed. "Just know this." He stepped towards her and grabbed her arm with a practiced grip. One that inflicted pain, but would leave no mark. Relena cried out softly. "I don't like you." His tone was low and filled with venom. "I think I ought to be at your wake right now, actually. I think my wife should be standing next to me, carrying my child while we eat finger food and discuss how sad it is that your life is over."   
  
Relena opened her mouth, but shut it when his grip on her arm tightened. "Tell me if you disagree with any of this", he continued. When she said nothing, he released her, sending her stumbling back a step. "As far as I'm concerned, you killed Hilde and our baby. And I will never forgive you for that."   
  
He was gone before she could make her mouth work again. The tears coursing down her cheeks met at her throat before falling to wet her silk blouse. When Heero saw her again, though, no trace of the tears remained. He heard nothing about her encounter with Duo on the balcony.   
  
And as the days turned into weeks, he didn't seem to notice how his wife and his best friend were no longer on speaking terms. If he did notice, he said nothing.   
  
****  
  
"Are you absolutely sure?"  
  
"One hundred percent."   
  
"There's no way there could have been a mistake? Is the test really that reliable?"  
  
"Come on. I didn't spend four years in medical school only to come out not being able to read a pregnancy test." Sally broke into a wide smile. "Relena. You are absolutely, one hundred percent pregnant."   
  
Her patient blinked several times. In the space of a minute, her expression changed from shock to mild dismay to excitement. Not all that strange for a first time parent. It was only the lingering sadness and worry in Relena's eyes that bothered Sally.   
  
"Heero and I are going to have a baby?", she asked, as though trying to acquaint herself with the idea. "When?"  
  
Sally looked at her notes. "Judging by what you told me, I'd say April. You're about two and a half months along."   
  
Relena looked down at her lap, covered by the thin hospital gown. Two and a half months. That meant...she had concieved just after Hilde's death.  
  
"I know what you're thinking", Sally said gently. "It is kind of strange." She smiled. "Maybe Wufei is right about his whole reincarnation thing."   
  
The Vice Foriegn Minister shook her head and adopted a clinical tone. "Nothing of the sort. I was very upset around that time." She cleared her throat. "Heero comforted me."  
  
Sally lifted her shoulders. "The world works in mysterious ways."  
  
"Yes. Well..." Relena eased off the examination table and reached for her clothes. "Don't let Duo catch wind of the fact that you think my child is the reincarnated spirit of Hilde. He'd hate me even more than..." She stopped and rephrased. "It would upset him."   
  
"How is Duo?", Sally asked carefully.   
  
Relena stripped off the medical gown. "Ask someone who knows." She tugged on her khaki pants. "Sally...", she began in a much softer tone. "Do you really think that...." Relena shook her head, laughing at herself. "Never mind."  
  
Raising an eyebrow, Sally scribbled something onto a notepad and tore off the sheet. "Here is the number of the best ob/gyn on Earth." She smiled impishly. "I wish I could be there when Heero Yuy finds out he's going to be a daddy."   
  
Relena returned the smile, but only half-heartedly. "Thank you, Sally. For everything." She left the Preventer medical base with absolutely none of the joy an expectant mother should have. Not a word had been spoken between her and Duo since the afternoon on the balcony. He had made it very clear that he wanted nothing to do with her.   
  
The worst part was, Relena couldn't find it within herself to blame him. She had cheated Death and sent Hilde to his arms instead. And now, she was carrying a new life all too soon after two lives had been ripped away from Duo. She touched her belly. There was no sign yet. No swelling, no movement. If it weren't for a routine check-up, she would not have even been aware of the baby's existence.   
  
A horrible thought filled her mind. No one need ever know. She could find a safe, private place to do it and tell Sally it was a miscarriage. Sally would never tell Heero if Relena didn't want her to. No one would be hurt. More importantly, Duo wouldn't be hurt. Maybe he wouldn't hate her anymore if she sacrificed something. If she reached the same level of pain and anguish....  
  
"Vice Foriegn Minister..." One of her many new Preventer bodyguards held the limousine door open for her.   
  
She slid inside, grateful for the cool interior. Her hand found its way back down to her flat stomach. If only there could be some sort of motion...a kick or a flutter. Any physical proof that there was a baby growing inside of her. A baby that she and Heero had made together. A baby that she could never destroy, for anyone or anything. Even for Duo.   
  
Before she knew it, her mind was made up. The drive back to the Manor was peaceful and content.   
  
**** 


End file.
